Saturday, December 27, 2014

The Close of a Year

The past few months I have not written. Quite frankly, I haven't had any ideas of what to write about or much inspiration. Despite sending the past few days home binge watching teenage dramas on Netflix, indulging in way too many holiday sweets and having a cup of cheer or two with the family, the down time has given me plenty of time to think.

The end of the year and the holiday season has a powerful effect on us to make us quite reflective, long for company and hopeful for the future. Last year, I wrote about not sticking to lists for a new year...and I definitely did that. As your typical "resolutionist", I rang in the New Year in New York City, flew back to Tampa and right that Sunday attended my first Weight Watchers meeting. In an effort to find balance and health during my job search and graduation from grad school, I thought this with a combo of attending Pure Barre classes and running would be great for me. And it was! By April I had lost a good amount of weight, ran a half marathon, had semi-okay spirits, had a few job interviews and was preparing for a month long whirlwind of a trip to Greece and Italy with my roommate Christina.

However -- as a year will happen, there are ups and downs. It is now December 27th and I can't say I am the same as I was in April. Life happens, transition happens and priorities shift. Where I am trying to go with this Saturday evening ramble is that when making a resolution for 2015 -- remember that it is okay to go off course and that we don't need a new year just to make change in our lives. Change can happen on January 1 or April 1. It is what is best for your life, we can't let the pressure of New Years Day make us as society all the sudden need to hit the gym or need to become a sudden yogi. Do things are your own pace, make your decision and know that life happens and sometimes that resolution may be lost a year later--and that's okay.

Looking back at what Facebook tells me my top moments are (since "the Facebook" seems to know all), I had a pretty amazing year. Despite all the internal ups and downs I faced, I realize I am a lucky girl, surrounded my amazing people and I can hope that 2015 can be even better. I don't currently have a resolution and I like it better that way, I need to take life one day at a time, continue to find inner peace and do good.

Happy New Years friends, may your year be prosperous and full of love.

One of my favorite memories of 2014- Milan, Italy

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Sunday Ramblings

Lately I have been pondering and thinking and reflecting per usual. Over a Grande Shaken Passion Tea Lemonade (no syrup) and over an hour walk through St. Louis's beautiful Forest Park (and fortunately right near my neighborhood!) a lot passed through my mind.

Throughout this whole transition and my transitions in the past I feel like I have changed as a person. My priorities have shifted, my outlook on things have differed and I have felt more mature. But do we really change? Can people really change that much?

There have been times during this move that, for lack of a better description (and I think this sounds super dramatic), that I have lost parts of who I am. I have been not confident in myself, felt lonely, confused, scared and more. There have been multiple nights where I have just gotten really sad and really down. I have overanalyzed everything and have driven myself crazy before going to bed! These are feelings that I know, no matter where I moved or whatever I did would've happened. This is part of this major life transition we go through when we finish college.

With more reflection and thought I don't think people necessarily "change" who they are, but rather adapt to their new environments, communities and life situations. I think in the craziness of figuring out life here and not having an already defined set of community that my undergraduate experience and my graduate school experience gave me, these are things I am realizing have affected me. These are things that affected those parts of me that weren't "normal" me. I know that I am 120 percent at my best when I am surrounded my good, likeminded individuals, with energy and charisma that can bring me up.

I thank the strangers that have become my friends here in St. Louis. Day by day it gets better knowing I have some awesome friends here that I can actually make plans with and do things with! I know I am not feeling so "lost" anymore and I know that this just part of transition and our mid-20s. I have mentioned this previously, but moving and being completely uncomfortable is good for you. I highly recommend it. Without losing ourselves per say and without doing something new, one can never find their limits or see how far their potential can go.

I live a lucky life. I am lucky to have an amazing group of people in my life. Thanks for listening to me ramble, open up and just be honest on this Sunday evening.


Monday, August 4, 2014

Tiny Home, Big Heart

One major part of my transition has been moving and living by myself, without roommates for the first time EVER!

With this has come much excitement and nerves, however it has been a ton of fun.

When looking for an apartment there were a few things that were really important to me:

  • Neighborhood: I live in a cute area of St. Louis with tons of restaurants, bars, a Starbucks (non negotiable), some shops, close proximity to Forest Park where I run, and gas lantern lit streets. This neighborhood was one I fell in love with...but it came with a price leading to my next point.
  • Price: Being that I am not splitting rent with anyone, the price was extremely crucial to my budget. Luckily I found a place that was in a reasonable price range with all utilities included (except Internet), however being so inexpensive in an expensive part of town, that ended up costing me no dishwasher and no washer and dryer. Doing my laundry in the basement brings me back to freshman year of college, but it is okay! Washing my dishes constantly, well, just getting in the habit...but it's alright!
  • Safety: Being that I am in a city and this is my first time being completely alone, it was really important the building felt secure.

With all those in mind, I found my super cute, but old, falling apart studio that I am slowly and surely falling in love (one carbon monoxide scare at a time...). This studio is an old apartment from the 20s and has a lot of charm and character--just like "the Lou"!

Being in a studio has taught me the importance of maximizing my space and really making it my own home! Inspired by my good friend Laura and her cottage (check out her business, her life adventures and blog here!) I knew that I can use my artistic eye, crafty soul and love for all things gold, chevron and pink to create a *home*.

It was important for me to stick to a budget, so many items have come from Weekends Only (a discount furniture store), Home Goods,, Wayfair, Target, Goodwill and a heck of a lot DIY!

One big empty space with a whole lot of nothin'...

A kitchen that needed some lovin'

And a bathroom that was filthy...thanks Mom for scrubbing that one!

Before much decorating went into place... 
Bed and couch from Weekends Only, room divider from World Market

My bed, almost complete, need a monogram decal for above the frame.
Headboard from Wayfair, "Laugh" pillow from Home Goods, flower pillow from Amazon and the comforter set was a splurge from West Elm! Curtain is from Target

Because of limited space, a dresser became a TV stand!
Dresser from Home Goods, carpet from Joss and Main

My relaxation spot
Coffee table from, gold pillows from Marshalls, pink pillow I had from Kate Spade

A happy, sunny, yellow and gray bathroom!
Shower curtain, towels from Target, Toothbrush holder from Walmart

My favorite wall! Waiting for a fun chair to complete it. 
Picture frame from Goodwill (upcycled it), Gold Dots from Joann Fabrics, Bookshelf from Target, everything else is a conglomerate from craft stores, Etsy and fun finds.

Kitchen with my DIY cabinet backings--covered foam core with fabric and put it in the back of cabinet!

Another picture of that

My coffee *nook* with my mug collection
Cart from Way Fair, Basket from World Market, Art from Target

Microwave cart and a piece of local St. Louis art with canvas flowers I found
Cart from, art from Cherokee Street in St Louis

Made the rest of my Instagram pictures into magnets!

And last but not least, my little friend Derek.

Hope you enjoyed pictures from my little sanctuary! I've had a lot of fun decorating and making it my own! It has been enjoyable to put my creative juices into play, my arranging nature into affect and making a place where I can be myself, feel comfortable and process at the end of the day. While I had to negotiate to a full size bed and love seat, this space has made me so thankful for what I have and that I am able to live comfortably. Moving is expensive, with a little negotiation with yourself and an eye for a discount, it is easy to make it happen!


Monday, July 28, 2014


In the midst of this transition, I have been given a lot of time to readjust my priorities, think about what is important to me, think about the kind of people I want to be around and think about how I want to "fill" that "extra" time that comes to us when we work full time.

Within these priorities, the first thing that has really been resonating with me is the amount of negative energy I surround myself with and the amount of negative energy we as human beings exert. At some point I believe that we all have been victims of this...I know for certain I can be quite the "negative nancy" at times and I don't truly believe that is who I am/should be as a person.

In this "post grad life", it has been so easy for me to think about all the things I don't have right now. I can list them off between the dishwasher, a significant other, a dog, the perfect body, etc. etc. It is so easy for me to get sucked into those behaviors and those thoughts because of all this time alone I have had (which is okay, see two posts ago!).

It also has been easy for me to be absorbed by these things when my friends from near and far feel similarly. It is so easy to just get wrapped up into a conversation that constantly feels like a vent session. We have all fallen victim to where we vent so much, but fail to ask that person how they may actually be doing, what actually did make them happy that week, what can we do to help each other out a bit? We are so retroactive vs. proactive sometimes.

Previously I have blogged about gratitude before and being thankful(see past posts Perspective and Energy for instance), however this goes beyond those things.

While it is perfectly okay to be frustrated about these "wants" or these "gaps" in our lives, it is so important to shift our priorities, examine the situation and the transition, and see what we do have, what can we control and where is our time best invested. By sitting around, texting friends about these complaints, it really hasn't done anything for all. By sitting around comparing myself to those who seem to have it all, that does not do me any good either. Everyone's path, stories and life situations are different, and that is so critical to remember.

When we accept that negativity is okay from time to time, we have to remember to see the joy in life.

We have to prioritize our needs; what will make you see that full joy?

  • Does it mean confronting our friends when their negativity seems draining?
  • Does it mean journaling in some sense or way when you feel some doubt?
  • Or can it be something as simple as a 30 minute walk with a coffee to allow you to clear your mind?
This looks different for everyone, and if I had the answers I would totally give them to you! We need to step back, breathe, and examine what we have, how we are so lucky, and accept that it is okay to be down from time to time, BUT take a step at looking how we manage those feelings.

By doing this, we can prioritize more clearly, live a more [positive] life and see joy.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

The First Time I Called 911 (well second)

When I was 3 years old, I'm told I picked up the phone and called 911 just to talk to the dispatcher. As a young child I was rebellious in nature and didn't really like listening to the rules.

Also, naturally and appropriately named, I wanted to "gab" away on the phone to some new friends.

I learned my lesson that day and never ever called 911 again.

until today.

Today I denoted as my "sit on my butt all day-binge watch Netflix-have food delivered-with some World Cup-re-energize day". After my first run this morning with a new running group I joined, I came home, made some breakfast and started my enthralling day. In mid bite of my English Muffin, my carbon monoxide detector started talking to me. She told me "CARBON MONOXIDE PRESENT" over and over again. But what was really heard in my head was, "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, RUN".

So in a panic, I grabbed my keys, the crappiest flip flops I owned, took the detector off the wall and ran outside. I had no idea what to do. In my mind, I thought I had CO poisoning, started thinking about my near death, how I had no will, how my roots hadn't been touched up and how I really just wanted Tina Fey to read my Eulogy. Eventually I calmed down and then realized, that this, THIS was the moment in my life that 911 was a legitimate thing and that I should probably dial out.

So I called them. And sure enough they came, trucks and all. The kind gentlemen of the St. Louis Fire Department came into my place, told me that sure enough there were high levels of CO coming from my gas stove and that I should tell my landlord to replace it. They turned off the gas, fanned out my place and went on their merry way. I asked them if I was going to die, they said no, and then continued to proceed on.

The premise of this story is that, I have never had something like that happen to me and that this is just a part of "growing up" and being an adult. While it seems scary at the time, these things happen and we as humans are more than capable to handle them without the assistance of anyone. While it seems silly I analyzed this, it is true. With transitioning to this more "adult role" comes more adult responsibilities of apartment maintenance, house maintenance, etc. I am thankful I bought a carbon monoxide detector and that I am okay. I have never had the most common sense and I am the first to admit that. Life skills vs. being book smart, I sway one way a little bit more...always have (says the girl who put a fork in the microwave once...ask how that turned out).

This blog post is more of a ramble and a funny story now, but something I wanted to document. Until next time, this is tonight's trial and tribulations of my transition...I am most certainly in what Bridges' would describe "The Neutral Zone". I also will leave you with one of my favorite Sean Kingston song....get it?


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Alone vs. Lonely

Lately since I've moved I have had a lot of time for self reflection (I will get to that).

One idea I have been reflecting upon and really breaking down a lot is the concept of loneliness. Living alone for the first time can spark a lot of emotions that I perceived to be loneliness based upon my reaction to them and how it was affecting me.

Sunday evening I read a blog post from Elite Daily titled "Why You Should Move to a New City Where You Don't Know a Single Soul" Great blog. Really expressed a lot of things I have been feeling and also clarified some things (except for the part about dying your hair a crazy color or wearing a hoop nose ring...did that sophomore year of college). Within the blog, the author Eimear states

Alone” does not necessarily mean “lonely” and with your own company, you can do exactly what you want, on your own timeline and budget. A solo move can be an important period of introspection that may allow you to reconnect with your individual thoughts, dreams and desires."

This is interesting. This made me think. And I started to re-examine what the Backstreet Boys attempted to describe previously in my personal favorite album "Millennium" with the hit "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely" what it means to be lonely and what it means to be alone.

When I first googled the definition of loneliness, the first thing that came to me was:

"Sadness because one has no friends or company."


Let's not go with that one. When I went to the more reliable source of Merriam-Webster the definition states: "causing sad feelings from being apart from other people". That makes more sense.

Now when we look at the definition of alone, that states: "without anyone or anything else: not involving or including anyone or anything else: separate from other people or things"

Alright, this was getting me somewhere.

While it is true loneliness, is a result of being alone, it does not always come with the sad feelings. The emotions just look different.

For example, struggling to zipper up the back of my dress in the morning with no help is a side effect of being alone. Getting really upset at night because you hear noises coming from the city and having no one to run to now that is loneliness.

Another example, being able to walk around your apartment in just a towel is a great side effect of being alone. But having no one to share a big bowl of popcorn with when you watch a movie can be loneliness (and I say that because it's sad the amount of calories I can consume when I don't share).

With that all being said, this move has allowed me to really examine the two different emotions. This alone time has given me a lot of time to recharge and reflect like a true introvert and really see what needs to be done in my life and where I should put more time and energy.

I have also accepted that it's okay to experience loneliness. As humans we long for connection and interaction with one another. We're charged and built to do so! It's just finding what makes us happy in those moments, whether it is FaceTiming a friend or having a text conversation till late in the night.

I really like this topic. And I really like this conversation...I want to keep it going and I'd love to hear your thoughts!


Saturday, June 21, 2014

Meet Me in St. Louis


Here we are.

I am currently sitting in my *temporary* high rise apartment overlooking the St. Louis arch on a very stormy (flood warning even!) night after a weekend of work.

I am tired, semi scared (thunder is no fun alone), but most importantly...


As mentioned in my previous post ("The Whirlwind") that is exactly what this has all been. Since being in St. Louis I have:

  • Visited multiple apartments to be sold on this one. cute old hotel building with A LOT of character and in walking distance to a Starbucks, soon to be Whole Foods, a sushi restaurant and a cupcake store called "The Cup" that sells delicacies such as this....
  • Went to a Cardinals baseball game with Jeff!
  • Visited the St. Louis Arch
  • Probably gained five pounds 
  • Finished "Orange is the New Black" season 2 (priorities)
  • Visited Nelly's star on St. Louis's own version of the "Walk of Fame" (P.S-Nelly plays on my radio at least twice daily...Welcome to Nellyville?)
  • Met some incredible people, while also reuniting with my true bestie Michael
  • Joined a running club
  • Started an awesome job that I truly love!
That is a lot in a series of two weeks! But I couldn't be happier. Within transition, it is so important to recognize where you are at and what is happening. This "New Beginning" of my life is so great and it is so exciting to recognize that this is where I am at. That I am doing everything in my best interest to help my current situation.

While at times some things aren't so glamorous (i.e some of the apartment maintenance items or being scared of thunder in a high rise apartment), having some more ownership over this adult lifestyle is invigorating to me. I had been waiting so long for this day and it finally has come!

I recognize that with transition, there will be a point where I start to realize again what I have let go and what I left behind in Tampa, Virginia, New Jersey and at this point all over the world (nomad lifestyle), however I am confident that I am in a place where I am more than capable to handle this and am ready to face these things. I already have started to in some instances with a changed work schedule! By finding things to commit to, preoccupy myself with (like running and soon yoga) and immersing myself into the work life, managing transition is easier. These are tangible things I can do to help this process.

I am so excited to see where the next year takes me and am so excited to learn more about this area. So far the Midwest Hospitality has been nothing but nice! Everyone is so much nicer than New Jersey, Tampa or Virginia, it is actually so crazy!

So for now...follow me on Instagram at #GFRinSTL (of course I created a hashtag to record my first year here...) and keep checking this blog. 

Look familiar? Another great piece from 1canoe2, find them on Etsy!