Monday, July 28, 2014


In the midst of this transition, I have been given a lot of time to readjust my priorities, think about what is important to me, think about the kind of people I want to be around and think about how I want to "fill" that "extra" time that comes to us when we work full time.

Within these priorities, the first thing that has really been resonating with me is the amount of negative energy I surround myself with and the amount of negative energy we as human beings exert. At some point I believe that we all have been victims of this...I know for certain I can be quite the "negative nancy" at times and I don't truly believe that is who I am/should be as a person.

In this "post grad life", it has been so easy for me to think about all the things I don't have right now. I can list them off between the dishwasher, a significant other, a dog, the perfect body, etc. etc. It is so easy for me to get sucked into those behaviors and those thoughts because of all this time alone I have had (which is okay, see two posts ago!).

It also has been easy for me to be absorbed by these things when my friends from near and far feel similarly. It is so easy to just get wrapped up into a conversation that constantly feels like a vent session. We have all fallen victim to where we vent so much, but fail to ask that person how they may actually be doing, what actually did make them happy that week, what can we do to help each other out a bit? We are so retroactive vs. proactive sometimes.

Previously I have blogged about gratitude before and being thankful(see past posts Perspective and Energy for instance), however this goes beyond those things.

While it is perfectly okay to be frustrated about these "wants" or these "gaps" in our lives, it is so important to shift our priorities, examine the situation and the transition, and see what we do have, what can we control and where is our time best invested. By sitting around, texting friends about these complaints, it really hasn't done anything for all. By sitting around comparing myself to those who seem to have it all, that does not do me any good either. Everyone's path, stories and life situations are different, and that is so critical to remember.

When we accept that negativity is okay from time to time, we have to remember to see the joy in life.

We have to prioritize our needs; what will make you see that full joy?

  • Does it mean confronting our friends when their negativity seems draining?
  • Does it mean journaling in some sense or way when you feel some doubt?
  • Or can it be something as simple as a 30 minute walk with a coffee to allow you to clear your mind?
This looks different for everyone, and if I had the answers I would totally give them to you! We need to step back, breathe, and examine what we have, how we are so lucky, and accept that it is okay to be down from time to time, BUT take a step at looking how we manage those feelings.

By doing this, we can prioritize more clearly, live a more [positive] life and see joy.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

The First Time I Called 911 (well second)

When I was 3 years old, I'm told I picked up the phone and called 911 just to talk to the dispatcher. As a young child I was rebellious in nature and didn't really like listening to the rules.

Also, naturally and appropriately named, I wanted to "gab" away on the phone to some new friends.

I learned my lesson that day and never ever called 911 again.

until today.

Today I denoted as my "sit on my butt all day-binge watch Netflix-have food delivered-with some World Cup-re-energize day". After my first run this morning with a new running group I joined, I came home, made some breakfast and started my enthralling day. In mid bite of my English Muffin, my carbon monoxide detector started talking to me. She told me "CARBON MONOXIDE PRESENT" over and over again. But what was really heard in my head was, "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, RUN".

So in a panic, I grabbed my keys, the crappiest flip flops I owned, took the detector off the wall and ran outside. I had no idea what to do. In my mind, I thought I had CO poisoning, started thinking about my near death, how I had no will, how my roots hadn't been touched up and how I really just wanted Tina Fey to read my Eulogy. Eventually I calmed down and then realized, that this, THIS was the moment in my life that 911 was a legitimate thing and that I should probably dial out.

So I called them. And sure enough they came, trucks and all. The kind gentlemen of the St. Louis Fire Department came into my place, told me that sure enough there were high levels of CO coming from my gas stove and that I should tell my landlord to replace it. They turned off the gas, fanned out my place and went on their merry way. I asked them if I was going to die, they said no, and then continued to proceed on.

The premise of this story is that, I have never had something like that happen to me and that this is just a part of "growing up" and being an adult. While it seems scary at the time, these things happen and we as humans are more than capable to handle them without the assistance of anyone. While it seems silly I analyzed this, it is true. With transitioning to this more "adult role" comes more adult responsibilities of apartment maintenance, house maintenance, etc. I am thankful I bought a carbon monoxide detector and that I am okay. I have never had the most common sense and I am the first to admit that. Life skills vs. being book smart, I sway one way a little bit more...always have (says the girl who put a fork in the microwave once...ask how that turned out).

This blog post is more of a ramble and a funny story now, but something I wanted to document. Until next time, this is tonight's trial and tribulations of my transition...I am most certainly in what Bridges' would describe "The Neutral Zone". I also will leave you with one of my favorite Sean Kingston song....get it?


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Alone vs. Lonely

Lately since I've moved I have had a lot of time for self reflection (I will get to that).

One idea I have been reflecting upon and really breaking down a lot is the concept of loneliness. Living alone for the first time can spark a lot of emotions that I perceived to be loneliness based upon my reaction to them and how it was affecting me.

Sunday evening I read a blog post from Elite Daily titled "Why You Should Move to a New City Where You Don't Know a Single Soul" Great blog. Really expressed a lot of things I have been feeling and also clarified some things (except for the part about dying your hair a crazy color or wearing a hoop nose ring...did that sophomore year of college). Within the blog, the author Eimear states

Alone” does not necessarily mean “lonely” and with your own company, you can do exactly what you want, on your own timeline and budget. A solo move can be an important period of introspection that may allow you to reconnect with your individual thoughts, dreams and desires."

This is interesting. This made me think. And I started to re-examine what the Backstreet Boys attempted to describe previously in my personal favorite album "Millennium" with the hit "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely" what it means to be lonely and what it means to be alone.

When I first googled the definition of loneliness, the first thing that came to me was:

"Sadness because one has no friends or company."


Let's not go with that one. When I went to the more reliable source of Merriam-Webster the definition states: "causing sad feelings from being apart from other people". That makes more sense.

Now when we look at the definition of alone, that states: "without anyone or anything else: not involving or including anyone or anything else: separate from other people or things"

Alright, this was getting me somewhere.

While it is true loneliness, is a result of being alone, it does not always come with the sad feelings. The emotions just look different.

For example, struggling to zipper up the back of my dress in the morning with no help is a side effect of being alone. Getting really upset at night because you hear noises coming from the city and having no one to run to now that is loneliness.

Another example, being able to walk around your apartment in just a towel is a great side effect of being alone. But having no one to share a big bowl of popcorn with when you watch a movie can be loneliness (and I say that because it's sad the amount of calories I can consume when I don't share).

With that all being said, this move has allowed me to really examine the two different emotions. This alone time has given me a lot of time to recharge and reflect like a true introvert and really see what needs to be done in my life and where I should put more time and energy.

I have also accepted that it's okay to experience loneliness. As humans we long for connection and interaction with one another. We're charged and built to do so! It's just finding what makes us happy in those moments, whether it is FaceTiming a friend or having a text conversation till late in the night.

I really like this topic. And I really like this conversation...I want to keep it going and I'd love to hear your thoughts!